Creativity*Sparks*Life

Anger has always been a tricky emotion for me.  I’m not good at expressing it, nor am I good at stifling it.  That makes for a tricky situation and I end up miserable either way.  Anger is a sign of a deficiency – a need that is not being met – and as far as signs go, it’s pretty direct.  There’s no question for me when I am struggling with anger as to what emotion is coming up.  It sets me back on my heels a bit, because I somehow feel like I should be able to just “not be angry.”  Ha! Yeah! That is just not how it works.

What if we could be all zen and use anger as a tool to figure out what is really going on in a situation?  As a constructive guide to get in touch with what need is not being met.  Is it the need to be heard?  The need to be understood? The need to see humans be sensitive and kind to other humans? The need to get people to understand that we only get one planet? The need to express that animals feel pain? The need to not have to deal with the incompetent, stupidity of others?  The need to just for once not have to do everything yourself?  Okay, going to slow my roll here.  No need to get locked up and pissed all over again.

I conveniently found this quote on the Dali Lama’s Facebook page today.  Love how the Universe plops these things in my lap.  The Universe was careful not to do it during my rage, but once I had calmed down enough to have some insight into what was really going on and when I was capable of a perspective shift – not while I was throwing f-bombs everywhere.

From the Dali Lama’s Facebook page:

We can change our minds. We don’t have to give in to anger and hatred. Since compassion and anger cannot co-exist, the more we cultivate compassion the more our anger will be reduced. Compassion brings peace of mind and if we have that we won’t be deflected when negative events occur.

Now, that is all well and good, but when I am in full on “I hate everything and everyone” mode, I really can’t hear this.  The key for me is to pause before I get to that stage.  Sometimes I am capable and sometimes not so much.  But, when I am capable of responding instead of reacting, that nasty ugly side of me is subdued a bit and I, and the people around me, are better off. Being compassionate with myself has not always come easy for me, but I’ve learned if I can’t be compassionate with myself then I am not truly able to be sincerely compassionate with others.  I know, I talk about this pausing thing a lot, but there is a reason.  BECAUSE IT WORKS!

“Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.” Mark Twain

So I failed miserably this week at the PAUSE.  I reacted all over the place.  But, you know what ?  The sun is shining this morning and I am going to move on.  Wish me luck. 🙂

Today’s Mantra:  Set down the anger, kindly forgive myself and others, and move on to enjoy an absolutely beautiful day in the country.

Aesop is quoted as saying:

No act of kindness, no matter how small is ever wasted.

I believe the same can be said for shining our own unique light out into the world. No matter how small, it is never wasted.  Sometimes, that smile you give a stranger is met with a sour face, but sometimes the smile shines back at you and that stranger passes it on to another.  The lovely ripple effect of shining your kindness out into the world.

Some days, I am tired and stressed and I’m that sour face in the crowd.  I’m always grateful when a stranger or friend takes the time to extend kindness to me anyway even if it appears that I will surely bite their head off.

My mantra for today: Shine whatever light you can.

The amount, brilliance and reach matters not.  All that matters is that on this day, in this moment an offering was made to the Universe of whatever light you had available to give.  The magic is that the world will shine it back 3 fold and then we may all Shine On.

I made a big mistake yesterday.  It was one that I haven’t made in a while and frankly, had gotten a little cocky about thinking that I wouldn’t make again.  I used to do it all the time. Daily, hourly, every freaking minute.  Then, I discovered some very helpful information and learned what I was doing was harmful. Yesterday, I used someone else’s ruler.

Yesterday was extremely hectic at work and my assistant and I did what any well-oiled machine does, we hunkered down and got shit done. We accomplished the work of five people.  We tag-teamed, papers flew, phones rang, securities were traded and we remained calm, focused and light on our feet.  At the end of the day, we high-fived.

Then, after he left and I was cleaning up some remaining debris of the day.  I did it.  I measured my day’s success by someone else’s ruler and felt defeated.  I didn’t “succeed” when compared to “Other’s” metrics.  I was stuck in a funk until this morning.

After I rose, got my coffee, called for the dog and walked to the top of the hill behind our house, I realized what I had done.

Today’s Mantra:  Use my own freaking measuring stick!

“Do you know the way to San Jose?” Da-nah-nah-nah… I don’t know the rest of the words to that song, but it doesn’t keep my brain from singing the first line and humming the rest any time my monkey brain needs to be kept busy.  It’s an ear-worm for sure, but more importantly, it is a reminder to me to be wary that conditions are ripe for a reaction that I might later regret.

Rick Hanson’s book, Buddha’s Brain, speaks of the brain’s need to be busy, have a plan of action or a story – even if it’s not true.  Long, long ago, a human’s survival depended on the brain’s ability to figure out whether or not it needed to implement the flight, fight or freeze course of action.  But, as civilization has evolved, that methodology is no longer as necessary on a 24-7 basis and can often lead us astray.

When we are faced with a supposed issue or problem, the survival instinct of our brains springs into action to create an opinion of the situation.  Even if that opinion is bias, untrue or downright self-destructive.  Any story is better than no story.  Or, is it?

How do we combat what Tara Brach calls in her book, True Refuge, the “hijack by limbic system”?  Buddhist’s teachings suggest enacting the “sacred pause” works; it interrupts the brain’s usual path of creating a story just to have one.  Even if it is a split-second pause, it can derail harmful thoughts or untruths.  I think of it like a well-worn path through a field of tall grass.  The path is easily identified as “the way to go” and offers the path of least resistance, but I may end up at a familiar, yet unwanted destination.  The pause allows us the time to decide if we want to hack a new path in the field and create new neuro-pathways for our brains or just take the usual one without regard to the fact that it may take us where we don’t want to go.

One of my favorite quotes, often attributed to Viktor Frankl, perfectly articulates this:

Between stimulus and response lies a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our happiness.

We often forget that we have a choice about how we respond to a situation.  May we all remember to pause, so that we may respond with kindness and compassion to ourselves and others.

Today’s Mantra: Pause, breathe, proceed. 

There has been a recurring theme in my art journal and meditations lately: rest.  Rest like your life depends on it. Just. Stop. Doing.

It occurs to me that although I consciously seek a balance between work and home life, I don’t consciously seek out rest with a capital R.  To reduce the stress and high energy pace of my job, I garden, journal, knit, create and read.  Even with meditating, I am often seeking an answer to something.  But, I am rarely “not doing.”  Society has lead us to feel that it is wrong to “not do.”  People use words like, lazy, sloth, and irresponsible, when they witness “not doing.”  I, myself, assume that someone is ducking out on something important when I see them “not doing.”   And so, I am going to give “not doing” a try.

My soul speaks in a soft and gentle voice.  So soft in fact, that I often don’t hear it, especially if I am too busy “doing” to listen.  My guess is that I have been ignoring this message for quite a while.

So my Mantra for Today:  do nothing. Absolutely nothing.  Sit, sleep, eat and smile, like my life depends on it, because it does.